My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I bet he comes in French.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
