The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
