He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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