omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
