If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he puts the penis in happiness.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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