You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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