I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
