Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
