So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize