He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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