i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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