He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize