apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
