no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
