Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize