so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Drake has all the answers
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
