Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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