I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
