In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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