i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
