She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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