There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
