sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
