I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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