oh god the rape fog is back!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
