someone owes me an orgasm
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
