please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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