i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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