9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
