i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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