she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
