I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
