Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
