y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
