I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
