Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
