i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
