Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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