we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Even my vagina gasped.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
