so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
