idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
