Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Help. Why am I so naked?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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