Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
