38 yer olds are good kisserssss
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
