I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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