i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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