If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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