I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
