do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
