She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
