I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
