I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
