Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
