The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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