I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize