i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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