Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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