Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They took my balls.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
