plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
