Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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