Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
