wat bout pragnant strippers??
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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