the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
