Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
