honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
