Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
