I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Everything about him screamed your future.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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