We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
