It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
