after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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